Raising Little Angels: How to Properly Praise Your Child

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Raising Little Angels is  a monthly post about the struggles, joys, confusions, and questions that come with parenting.  The tongue-in-cheek title refers to the fact that parenting often feels like anything but an angelic endeavor. After all, we don’t want little angels;  we want little saints!

OSASuBX1SGu4kb3ozvne_IMG_1088I know some amazing parents (note this sentence! We’ll come back to it). My guess is that the overwhelming majority of parents who read this blog are pretty amazing parents. There is, however, some disagreement, even among amazing parents, on how and whether to praise children. Some parents praise everything their child does: “Talulah! You drank all your milk and ate all of your peas. You’re such a good girl. You’re so good at eating your dinner.” Other parents hold the belief that praising their child for behaviors that they should engage in anyway will create spoiled little monsters. Both praising styles are on to something–the each hold buds of truth. Proper praise motivates children, while the wrong kind of praise causes negative consequences and self-defeating behavior.. More pointedly:Praise is good, but the wrong kind of praise can be harmful. Research by Carol Dweck, a psychologist out of Stanford, helps shed some light on the praise problem.

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Thomas Merton, Lent, and the Perils of Avoiding Suffering

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I’ve sometimes wondered what Lent must look like to a non-religious person:

  • We spend one day a week not eating meat, and on a few days we skip meals altogether.
  • We voluntarily deprive ourselves of good things.
  • We intentionally ponder and ritualize the torture and death of our God/Leader.
  • Oh, and our male leaders all dress in purple (and occasionally pink).

In this thought experiment, I can imagine the other thinking: “Those people are intentionally causing themselves to suffer.  Who does that?  All the sane people are trying to avoid and reduce suffering.”

Checking in with myself, I notice that often avoiding suffering is indeed my main motivation. Read More →

Remember Man You Are Dust: 5 Common Regrets of the Dying

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 43e39040“Remember man you are dust and to dust you shall return.”

I always enjoy watching people receive ashes on Ash Wednesday. The average person trods up to the priest slowly, rank and file, hands politely folded in front of them, trying to discern the size of the ash cross they are likely to receive from the priest in whose line they find themselves. Then it happens. The priest takes ashes and smears them on their forehead saying, “Remember man you are dust and to dust you shall return.” What amazes me is how most people (seemingly) react to these words. They don’t—at least not in any discernible, visible manner (which, admittedly, is not to say that they are not having profound interior experiences). People amble back to their seat appearing unmoved by what has just occurred. Read More →

The Beauty of Brokenness

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Plant_cracked_concrete2We are all broken.  We think of this as our biggest liability, but the reality is that the beauty in our brokenness is overwhelming.

Cancer.  Addiction.  Chronic pain.  Anxiety. Poor physical fitness.  Depression.  Job burnout.  No one I know wants experiences like these, but everyone I know has some.  Does that mean we are somehow diminished?

We come into the world as a small bundle of needs, completely dependent on our parents, unable to control even the movements of our limbs.  We are not angels – our will is frail and flawed.  Yet, as we grow, we are told to seize the day, hold the fort, take charge of our future.  We are fed with illusions of control and individuality, and we begin believe that sanity consists of the ability to shape our world to our own desires.  Our entertainments feature actors and athletes who are strong, beautiful, powerful.  Our cultural narratives promote constant self-improvement, rising above our humble beginnings, and eliminating our flaws.  We learn to fear our weaknesses as cracks in the armor that protects us from harm.

That’s all backwards. Read More →

Let’s Get Stories of Authentic Love Trending: #50ShadesofPink

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apple-570965__180This weekend’s upcoming release of 50 Shades of Grey has inspired a flurry of Catholic bloggers to take to their keyboards to thoughtfully and truthfully educate Catholics (and any others willing to listen) about how the film’s message promotes the degradation and objectification of the human person through the glorification of  sexual violence against women.  Bishop Aquila wrote a nice piece explaining the Theology of the Body’s vision of authentic human love and sexuality.  Joe Heschmeyer wrote an interesting essay for First Things looking at  50 Shades as a cultural push-back against the gender neutrality movement and as indicative of a sociocultural desire for authentic masculine virtue. Matt Fradd offered a video 50 Things You Should Know about 50 Shades of Grey . Teresa Tomeo wrote an article about how we have moved culturally into a “grey area” as evidenced by our inability to recognize the objective (black and white) truth. There have been other great articles written as well.

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When Raising Kids: First Place the Oxygen Mask Over Your Own Mouth

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family-shadowsIt’s no secret that children growing up in our society face a multitude of challenges.  They face the ubiquitous presence of alcohol and drugs, media saturated with sexuality, and a culture that struggles to plausibly stand behind basic values.  Not to mention a high likelihood that they will not make it to adulthood with both parents in the same stable marriage.  As parents, we want to find ways of shepherding our children through these dangers, and we often go to great lengths to provide worthwhile, productive and affirming experiences.

But who is looking out for the parents? Read More →