Four Wonderful Metaphors I Heard in Therapy

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The stereotypes would have us believe that those who see a therapist are broken, crazy, weak, incapable or lesser-than.  My experience has been the opposite.  Those I work with are quite strong in many ways, not least in their willingness to face the pain and suffering that comes with change.  They have more than the usual ability to be vulnerable, and by owning their brokenness, show forth the glory of humanity.  (More on that here)  They have often given me the gift of seeing the world through their eyes, and it can be a beautiful view.  Today I celebrate those shared moments by sharing some of the images or metaphors with which they have described their experience. *

stairs-ruinSuffering and Sadness as Stairs to Freedom Read More →

Choosing a Therapist, Part 2: Making The Call

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photo by Clemson CC

photo by Clemson CC

Deciding to seek help is often the hardest part of actually beginning therapy.  In my last post, I addressed the mistaken stigma of seeking the help of a therapist, and doubts Catholics in particular might have about seeking therapy. Overcoming our own doubts, hesitations and preconceptions is hard enough.  After that, finding a therapist should be easy – just open the phone book, call someone and go.  Unfortunately, it is rarely that simple.  One aspect that often makes choosing a therapist more complicated is the intimacy of the work.  Going in, you know you are trusting someone to understand you, even the parts of yourself that you don’t usually share with others.  That can involve plenty of doubt and uncertainty.  Will the therapist really understand me?  Really get what is going on with me?  Really be able to help me?  For these reasons, those seeking help are often evaluating more than just credentials – they want to know if the therapist as a person is a good fit with them.

Because of my background, I am often asked to suggest a therapist or help in the process of finding one.  As often as not, the person who asks me is not the person going to therapy, but is someone who wants information to smooth the process for a friend or relative.   Regardless of who is asking, what I describe below is how I would approach the process.  There is no “right way” to choose a therapist, so my intent is to provide some information to help you ponder rather than laying out a perfect series of steps. Read More →

Choosing a Therapist, Part 1: Addressing the Fears

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depressed-hands-on-faceBy our nature as humans, we need others.  Giving and receiving help is as human as breathing.  God looked at Adam and said (essentially): “You’re gonna need some help.”  So He provided Adam with a helpmate.  Across our lifespan, we turn to others for help:  to our parents for nurturing, our teachers for education, our doctors for all our physical ills.  We turn to spouses and best friends to soothe us during the bruises of life, and we turn to our church community to revive our weary, broken, wayward souls.  We do not think twice about seeking help from these people, but there is one person from whom many people still hesitate to seek help:  a therapist (a.k.a psychologist, psychotherapist, or counselor). Read More →

The Beauty of Brokenness

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Plant_cracked_concrete2We are all broken.  We think of this as our biggest liability, but the reality is that the beauty in our brokenness is overwhelming.

Cancer.  Addiction.  Chronic pain.  Anxiety. Poor physical fitness.  Depression.  Job burnout.  No one I know wants experiences like these, but everyone I know has some.  Does that mean we are somehow diminished?

We come into the world as a small bundle of needs, completely dependent on our parents, unable to control even the movements of our limbs.  We are not angels – our will is frail and flawed.  Yet, as we grow, we are told to seize the day, hold the fort, take charge of our future.  We are fed with illusions of control and individuality, and we begin believe that sanity consists of the ability to shape our world to our own desires.  Our entertainments feature actors and athletes who are strong, beautiful, powerful.  Our cultural narratives promote constant self-improvement, rising above our humble beginnings, and eliminating our flaws.  We learn to fear our weaknesses as cracks in the armor that protects us from harm.

That’s all backwards. Read More →

When Raising Kids: First Place the Oxygen Mask Over Your Own Mouth

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family-shadowsIt’s no secret that children growing up in our society face a multitude of challenges.  They face the ubiquitous presence of alcohol and drugs, media saturated with sexuality, and a culture that struggles to plausibly stand behind basic values.  Not to mention a high likelihood that they will not make it to adulthood with both parents in the same stable marriage.  As parents, we want to find ways of shepherding our children through these dangers, and we often go to great lengths to provide worthwhile, productive and affirming experiences.

But who is looking out for the parents? Read More →

Grace-fully Supporting a Friend with Mental Illness

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clasped_handsYou know someone with a mental disorder.  Even if you don’t know it yet.  Whether family, co-workers or acquaintances, we’ll call them “your friend.”  Since you are reading this, I know you are a caring and compassionate person who would like to understand and support your friend.

Mental illness makes many things very difficult, especially relationships with others.  I bet you have felt that with your friend.  Maybe they have been labeled with major depression, and find it hard to respond to your invitations or enjoy activities with you.  Maybe they have issues with anxiety and their worry is so intense that you find it difficult to relax with them.  Maybe they carry the label of bipolar disorder, and their manic energy and obsessive enthusiasm occasionally leaves you in the dust and overwhelmed.  Maybe they sometimes seem to lose touch with the ordinary world, and meaningful communication appears impossible.  But whatever the problem, you can feel their suffering, and you do not want to give up or walk away.

So how can you help someone with a mental illness?   Read More →