Our Most Powerful Companion on the Road to Easter Joy

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handAt Easter, we celebrate the ultimate victory of Joy over suffering.  Christ is Risen!  Alleluia!   Death, where is your sting?

All this hoopla must look a little silly from the outside.  Its hard to understand the thrill of Easter if you have not experienced the agony of Good Friday.  And our current culture is not high on Good Friday.  Usually, we are trying to find ways to avoid suffering.  The implicit message is often that happiness results when all suffering is eliminated or successfully avoided.  As Christians, however, we believe that the joy of Easter is possible precisely because of suffering.  This is our model: it is by dying that we can rise to new life.

At a time in my own journey when I particularly needed it, I read a book called Hinds Feet On High Places. It is an allegorical story of the spiritual life, and the main character, Much Afraid, attempts to journey to the high mountains where The Shepherd lives. One of the things that stuck with me most is that The Shepherd chose two companions for Much Afraid to help her make it through the journey: Sorrow and Suffering. Read More →

Four Wonderful Metaphors I Heard in Therapy

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The stereotypes would have us believe that those who see a therapist are broken, crazy, weak, incapable or lesser-than.  My experience has been the opposite.  Those I work with are quite strong in many ways, not least in their willingness to face the pain and suffering that comes with change.  They have more than the usual ability to be vulnerable, and by owning their brokenness, show forth the glory of humanity.  (More on that here)  They have often given me the gift of seeing the world through their eyes, and it can be a beautiful view.  Today I celebrate those shared moments by sharing some of the images or metaphors with which they have described their experience. *

stairs-ruinSuffering and Sadness as Stairs to Freedom Read More →

Five Truths to Change Your Views on Mental Illness

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Why read a post about mental illness?

  • Demographics. Nearly a quarter of the U.S. population will meet criteria for some mental illness this year.  Mental illness touches everyone’s life.
  • Friendships. Maybe you want to support friends who are suffering.  Or you know that increased understanding means a decreased chance of hurting someone you care about.
  • Personal Impact. You want to reduce your own chances of experiencing mental illness or cope better with the situation you are in.
  • Charity.  Perhaps you are someone who wants to “Speak the truth in love.”  The more you know, the better you can reach and relate to someone who struggles with mental health.

Whatever your reason, here are five points that might shift your views on mental illness:

1. Mental illnesses are part of the spectrum of common human experience.

I can’t speak for you, but I know I experience anxiety quite often.  I remember anxiety over speaking in high school or asking someone on a first date.  Now I feel anxiety when others evaluate my work, or when I have to confront someone I care about. I am sure you have worried about some aspect of your life: “Will we have enough to retire?”  “Will the principal judge me if my daughter wears mismatched socks and shoes to school?”  “Is there something wrong with me if I see the dress as white and gold?”   Anxiety and worry are human experiences, but for some they are debilitatingly intense or pervasive. Read More →

Thomas Merton, Lent, and the Perils of Avoiding Suffering

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I’ve sometimes wondered what Lent must look like to a non-religious person:

  • We spend one day a week not eating meat, and on a few days we skip meals altogether.
  • We voluntarily deprive ourselves of good things.
  • We intentionally ponder and ritualize the torture and death of our God/Leader.
  • Oh, and our male leaders all dress in purple (and occasionally pink).

In this thought experiment, I can imagine the other thinking: “Those people are intentionally causing themselves to suffer.  Who does that?  All the sane people are trying to avoid and reduce suffering.”

Checking in with myself, I notice that often avoiding suffering is indeed my main motivation. Read More →

The Beauty of Brokenness

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Plant_cracked_concrete2We are all broken.  We think of this as our biggest liability, but the reality is that the beauty in our brokenness is overwhelming.

Cancer.  Addiction.  Chronic pain.  Anxiety. Poor physical fitness.  Depression.  Job burnout.  No one I know wants experiences like these, but everyone I know has some.  Does that mean we are somehow diminished?

We come into the world as a small bundle of needs, completely dependent on our parents, unable to control even the movements of our limbs.  We are not angels – our will is frail and flawed.  Yet, as we grow, we are told to seize the day, hold the fort, take charge of our future.  We are fed with illusions of control and individuality, and we begin believe that sanity consists of the ability to shape our world to our own desires.  Our entertainments feature actors and athletes who are strong, beautiful, powerful.  Our cultural narratives promote constant self-improvement, rising above our humble beginnings, and eliminating our flaws.  We learn to fear our weaknesses as cracks in the armor that protects us from harm.

That’s all backwards. Read More →

A 1-Step Plan for the Unhappy Life (And How to Subvert It)

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sad_upsetOur culture is obsessed with happiness.  From a purely individual perspective, happiness seems to be the obvious and ultimate goal.  Quite often, the second highest goal is avoiding pain or sadness.  Pursue happiness, avoid pain: seems like common sense, right?  Too bad its a really poor prescription for actual living.

In fact, if you asked me to describe the shortest path to a truly unhappy life, I would tell you simply to avoid pain or discomfort at all costs. That’s it.  Thats your one-step, one sentence plan for the unhappy life.

There is a psychological term for this one step plan Read More →