Helping Your Anxious Child: Comments on an Article by Renee Jain

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Recently I came photo-1422728221357-57980993ea99across an article discussing how parents can help their anxious children. I thought article had some good recommendations and thoughts for parents of children with anxiety. I have included some excerpts from the article below and added my own thoughts and comments in red. If you would like to read the entire article 9 Things Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try by Renee Jain check out the link. Here is an excerpt from the article:

        As all the kids line up to go to school, your son, Timmy, turns to you and says, “I don’t want to take the bus. My stomach hurts. Please don’t make me go.” You cringe and think, Here we go again. What should be a simple morning routine explodes into a daunting challenge.

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Choosing a Therapist, Part 2: Making The Call

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photo by Clemson CC

photo by Clemson CC

Deciding to seek help is often the hardest part of actually beginning therapy.  In my last post, I addressed the mistaken stigma of seeking the help of a therapist, and doubts Catholics in particular might have about seeking therapy. Overcoming our own doubts, hesitations and preconceptions is hard enough.  After that, finding a therapist should be easy – just open the phone book, call someone and go.  Unfortunately, it is rarely that simple.  One aspect that often makes choosing a therapist more complicated is the intimacy of the work.  Going in, you know you are trusting someone to understand you, even the parts of yourself that you don’t usually share with others.  That can involve plenty of doubt and uncertainty.  Will the therapist really understand me?  Really get what is going on with me?  Really be able to help me?  For these reasons, those seeking help are often evaluating more than just credentials – they want to know if the therapist as a person is a good fit with them.

Because of my background, I am often asked to suggest a therapist or help in the process of finding one.  As often as not, the person who asks me is not the person going to therapy, but is someone who wants information to smooth the process for a friend or relative.   Regardless of who is asking, what I describe below is how I would approach the process.  There is no “right way” to choose a therapist, so my intent is to provide some information to help you ponder rather than laying out a perfect series of steps. Read More →

Choosing a Therapist, Part 1: Addressing the Fears

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depressed-hands-on-faceBy our nature as humans, we need others.  Giving and receiving help is as human as breathing.  God looked at Adam and said (essentially): “You’re gonna need some help.”  So He provided Adam with a helpmate.  Across our lifespan, we turn to others for help:  to our parents for nurturing, our teachers for education, our doctors for all our physical ills.  We turn to spouses and best friends to soothe us during the bruises of life, and we turn to our church community to revive our weary, broken, wayward souls.  We do not think twice about seeking help from these people, but there is one person from whom many people still hesitate to seek help:  a therapist (a.k.a psychologist, psychotherapist, or counselor). Read More →

Looking to be Seen: Creating Intimacy with a Gaze

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“For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love…”- St. Therese of Lisieux

bsrOzgDkQhGRKOVC7Era_9X6A3584By now some of you have likely come across the New York Times article in which the author, mimicking an experiment by social psychologist Arthur Aron, tries to see if she can fall in love by following a few simple techniques.

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Five Truths to Change Your Views on Mental Illness

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Why read a post about mental illness?

  • Demographics. Nearly a quarter of the U.S. population will meet criteria for some mental illness this year.  Mental illness touches everyone’s life.
  • Friendships. Maybe you want to support friends who are suffering.  Or you know that increased understanding means a decreased chance of hurting someone you care about.
  • Personal Impact. You want to reduce your own chances of experiencing mental illness or cope better with the situation you are in.
  • Charity.  Perhaps you are someone who wants to “Speak the truth in love.”  The more you know, the better you can reach and relate to someone who struggles with mental health.

Whatever your reason, here are five points that might shift your views on mental illness:

1. Mental illnesses are part of the spectrum of common human experience.

I can’t speak for you, but I know I experience anxiety quite often.  I remember anxiety over speaking in high school or asking someone on a first date.  Now I feel anxiety when others evaluate my work, or when I have to confront someone I care about. I am sure you have worried about some aspect of your life: “Will we have enough to retire?”  “Will the principal judge me if my daughter wears mismatched socks and shoes to school?”  “Is there something wrong with me if I see the dress as white and gold?”   Anxiety and worry are human experiences, but for some they are debilitatingly intense or pervasive. Read More →

Raising Little Angels: How to Properly Praise Your Child

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Raising Little Angels is  a monthly post about the struggles, joys, confusions, and questions that come with parenting.  The tongue-in-cheek title refers to the fact that parenting often feels like anything but an angelic endeavor. After all, we don’t want little angels;  we want little saints!

OSASuBX1SGu4kb3ozvne_IMG_1088I know some amazing parents (note this sentence! We’ll come back to it). My guess is that the overwhelming majority of parents who read this blog are pretty amazing parents. There is, however, some disagreement, even among amazing parents, on how and whether to praise children. Some parents praise everything their child does: “Talulah! You drank all your milk and ate all of your peas. You’re such a good girl. You’re so good at eating your dinner.” Other parents hold the belief that praising their child for behaviors that they should engage in anyway will create spoiled little monsters. Both praising styles are on to something–the each hold buds of truth. Proper praise motivates children, while the wrong kind of praise causes negative consequences and self-defeating behavior.. More pointedly:Praise is good, but the wrong kind of praise can be harmful. Research by Carol Dweck, a psychologist out of Stanford, helps shed some light on the praise problem.

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